Gazing On the Lord in Glory


I had a life altering experience with God recently.

For me, the Lord deals with sin in my life 1 thing at a time. He reveals the fact that I am voluntarily being bound by a sin, and then gives me a way out. He teaches me what’s right, what’s wrong, and how much He loves me…and see’s me as He would see His own Son. That’s amazing enough in itself. That alone is enough to make me want to serve Him whole heartedly. But this last time God had to deal with some sin in my life, it shook me to the core. I realized that God is a jealous God, and He wants me…ALL of me. What am I doing giving my life to sinful lusts and desires of my wicked heart? How did I get so far from Him? How did I let sin creep back in and get a foothold? When did God become less important than sin? Shameful.

He took me to the cross. He TOOK ME to the cross. He didn’t just show me the cross, He took me there, and it broke me. I kneeled on the floor, my hands over my head, and shook and sobbed in anguish of soul. For the first time I realized that not only did He take it for me…He took it FROM me. I could see…almost feel the sting on my back and the awful dirty wounds on my head, and my feet, and my hands. I felt so dirty, so awful and sinful and gross. I repulsed myself, and I deserved it. That wasn’t what brought on the anguish of soul…it was when I saw Him place his hands over mine and when He removed them, my skin was left unmarred, and the wounds were transferred to Him. I could see the pain reflect in His eyes, in His furrowed brow. His back…the dirt and the sweat and the blood that covered the seeping cuts and bruises…the thorns on my brow…did I really puff myself up that much? To wear a crown? It went on His head, and dug into his skin….Over this I was in anguish of soul. My heart broke within me, and the tears fell like rivers. MY SIN WAS PLACED ON HIM. He took it from me because He loves me. And because of that sacrifice I no longer have to be bound by sin…yet I fall into it time and again…and He still forgives me. The look in His eye was love. I don’t fully know what love is, but He is love, and I want to know Him more. He said I am forgiven, my sins are paid for…and just as He said to the woman they were going to stone- “Go, and sin no more.” He does not hold my sin against me. But He wants me to be fully and completely devoted to Him in mind, soul, and spirit. And the sin? It repulses me. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that I would value that sin more than the sacrifice on the cross. God’s grace is bigger. It covers me. I have repented, and I am forgiven. Seen blameless in the sight of God.

The next morning, after I gathered with my brothers and sisters to break bread together, and remember the Lord in his death I went away rejoicing like I never have before. It was a day I will never forget. God is big! He is good. And He loves me. I wish I could put into words the feeling in my heart, but it goes much deeper than that. Have you experienced the grace of God?

"I have been crucified with Christ. Now it is no longer I who lives, but Christ lives in me. The life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loves me, and gave Himself up for me" Gal 2:20

This hymn was called out that morning.

1. Gazing on the Lord in glory, While our hearts in worship bow,There we read the wondrous story Of the cross—its shame and woe.
2. Every mark of dark dishonor Heaped upon the thorn-crowned brow. All the depths of Thy heart's sorrow Told in answ'ring glory now.
3. On that cross, alone, forsaken, Where no pity'ng eye was found;Now, to God's right hand exalted, With Thy praise the heavens resound.
4. Did Thy God e'en then forsake Thee, Hide His face from Thy deep need?In Thy face once marred and smitten, All His glory now we read.
5. Gazing on it we adore Thee, Blessed, precious, holy Lord;Thou the Lamb, alone art worthy— This be earth's and heaven's accord.
6. Rise our hearts, and bless the Father, Ceaseless song e'en here begun,Endless praise and adoration To the Father and the Son.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes on Him will not perish but have everlasting life" John 3:16

Climb every mountain

One of the things I want to do before I die is climb a mountain barefoot. I think Brokeoff will be the one...the trail is pretty smooth the whole way. (well, untill the last 1/2 mile or so) I did not climb it barefoot this time, but I did climb it in my pumpkin pants. They are traditional mountain climbing wear. I once climbed Lassen in a blizzard while wearing them. They've been special to me ever since.

I climbed it with a wonderful group of believers. This group of lovely people have a been a huge encouragement to me in the past, and have pushed me to walk even closer with God. I thank God for these people, and the strategic placing of them in my life. Climbing a mountain with them was a BLAST!! I thought I would write a bit about each of the people that I've been close to for long enough to feel a bond as with a brother or sister...

First there is Sandy, she is awesome, and we've been close as sisters since 7th grade. We've been through thick and thin, and all I can say is that Sandy is pure gold. She has gone through a lot, and come out with a smile, and a heart totally dedicated to Christ, not to mention a brilliant sense of humor, and a "trudge" that beats all trudges. :-)

Then there is Jesse, and although he can not recite the first verse in Genesis properly, he has a wonderful knowledge and grasp on the Word. He doesnt just read it, he lives it. He is someone willing to sit with you and discuss the Word untill 3 in the morning on the step of Baskin Robins. And he is one willing to go to China and serve our brothers and sisters there, even when the world does not welcome him. Plus now he has a beautiful girlfriend (Mallori) who I dont really know all that well, but from what I do know, they will push eachother even closer to God. That is awesome.

Then there is Billy. I havnt known him as long as the others, but he is a huge encouragment to me, and especially our little Sat. night Bible study. His desire to know Christ, and follow what He wants, and walk in His ways is contagious. Billy is a quiet leader with a heart in God's hands. What a blessing. (Plus his little brother Colton just gave his life to Christ...YAY!!! PARTY!!!)

And of course there is Stephen. Stephen is my blood brother, fellow cross country runner, fellow "hey lets go do something stupid in the name of fun" guy, and all around cool...maybe a little strange, but hey, so am I. Stephen is not afraid. The world doesnt have its grip on him, and he desires to do the will of the Lord, regardless of the way it looks. His bucket list is rediculously cool. Stephen is the guy I can go on long hot runs with, and talk about theology the whole way. Then I pray for him as he shoots around the world spreading the Word.

The rest that came, that I didnt mention, are those who I dont really know yet, but am exited to have them in my life and find out what they are like, and how we can pick eachother up, and put eachother at the feet of Christ.

So anyways, we went and climbed Brokeoff, and it was such a beatiful day! A bit cold and windy on top, but that is what huddles are for. We huddled up and praised the Lord together. That does an awesome work on my soul. I ran most all of the way down, and was actually slightly sore. What a nice feeling!!

If you are in the area, please let me take you up this mountain. It is something you will love!

Hey hey good lookin, whatcha got cookin?

Howdy y'all! Here's whats been cookin' in Lolo's kitchin as of late.

The other day I was noticing some nice jalapenos just hangin' on the bushes turnin' red, and I thought to myself; (please read with southern drawl) "Why, Self, ya oughta make yerself some dang good jalapeno poppers."

So I picked a bunch, washed 'em, de-seedified 'em, cut 'em long ways, and set 'em aside. Then I took some cream cheese, some grated cheese, and some freshed pressed garlic, and smooshed it all up together. Then I set that aside too. Then I got me some bacon right outta the fridgerator, and I cut em all in half (not long ways, the other way), and then I set them aside. Then I grabbed a tooth pick, and started chewin on it. Then I grabbed some more and set them aside too. Everything was just setting there...aside. So I took a half o jalapeno, and put some of that good cheese mix in it. Then I wrapped it all up in a half piece of bacon, and stuck a tooth pick through it all to hold it all together. I did that to all of em. Then I put 'em on a cookie sheet, and put that in the oven for a while. Them there were GOOD! But I was thinkin' that maybe next time I oughtta put a little cayanne pepper into the cheesie mix to spice it up a little. (you can stop with the southern drawl now)

So after that cooking experiment, I was feeling like I should probably work on making healthy food items that dont have 5 million calories per serving. So I started getting into some more healthy recipes. The weather cooled down really nice for me, so I made a couple batches of whole wheat bread. YUM! I like to substitute the sugars for things like honey, rice syrup, or even a little bit of splenda. I use way more whole wheat, and way less white, and I usually throw in a little extra oatmeal, and sometimes raisens for breakfast bread.

I also made some whole wheat tortillas! They were super easy, and super yummy, and super healthier than the ones you buy. All it was was 2c. whole wheat flour, 1t baking powder, some salt- mix that all up, then add 2T. Olive oil, and mix it in really well, then add warm water untill it forms a ball. Then knead it about 12 or 15 times, let it sit about 15 min, then break it into 10 or 12 balls, roll them into circles, and stick them in the skillet untill they are barely cooked. Then I put them in a ziplock bag, and then in the fridge. They are really good, and you just pull them out, brown them, and load them up as a wrap, or a quesadilla, or taco, or whatever! I have to say, though, that if you want to be a pro tortilla maker, you have to watch "Texas Ranch House" and pay close attention to the cook. He's a pro, and my tortilla makin' inspiration. Plus he makes really good chili.

I also experimented with some whole wheat chocolate oatmeal cookies, and the turned out pretty good! They are great hiking buddies. If you want any of these recipies, I will try to write them out for you. (I dont much use them, but I could at least give you the general idea of things)

Mmmmm, I also made a delicious apple pie, that was in no way, shape, or form healthy. (other than the apples of course)

I'm 20 now

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to an all-knowing God” -Corrie ten Boom

I am 20 now. At our family dinner celebrating that fact, I was asked a couple of questions, one of which was, “What have you learned this year?” How do you sum that one up? It is amazing where God has taken me in this past year. It has been a good year, full of growth, and wonderful love of my creator. He brought me even nearer to Himself, and I stand humbled today that He would want me. But He does want me, and love me, because my sins have been washed white, and I am not the person I was. I am a new creation. He sees me as a new creation, even when I fail time and time again.

I learned this year to trust. I learned that trust means surrender, and to trust I must surrender all I am, have been, will be, my rights, my life, my family, my friends, my desires, and my heart to God. God is trustworthy, and able to care perfectly for that- I am not. It is amazing the transformation of soul that has taken place. By complete surrender of me, I came to the place of complete satisfaction with Christ, and that is the place where I still am, and pray I’ll always be. Even when my heart feels like it is breaking because I miss someone so much, I look to God, and He and He alone can satisfy my longing heart. No man can do that. When I can’t figure out what I am doing with my life, and why so many curveballs are thrown, and why things happen the way they do, I look to God, and He and He alone, lifts me on Him shoulders and lets me know that I have no place struggling on a path- He is carrying me down that path. My job is to trust His footing. “Can you trust Me, Laurel, am I trustworthy? Have I ever failed you, or anyone?” Ah, that is so humbling. The lyrics to this song I wrote came from this time in my life-

I’m satisfied with Jesus Christ
What can have hold on me?
Can life or death or height or depth?
No! Satisfied I’ll be
One look at the cross
One taste of His love
Assures me this is true
I’m satisfied with Jesus Christ
He is my drink and food

I’m Satisfied with Jesus’ love
A love beyond this world
Not satisfied with any else
It’s His love I’ve preferred
One look at the cross
One taste of His love
Then nothing shall I need
I’m satisfied with Jesus Christ
I’m satisfied indeed!

It is the satisfaction that every human soul longs for, that by the grace of God I have found. The more I love God, the more, and the better I can serve others. I am beginning to see through the eyes of eternity, and it’s heavenly! So, that is a brief synopsis of where I am today, and the past year. God is beyond merciful to me. It is a great great love- one I hope to understand someday, but I don’t think I really ever will.

New horse on Blackberry Ranch

I got another horse!! Here are some pictures of him. I have been riding/training this horse at Diamond P Ranch for the past few months, and he just came up for sale really cheap, so I bought him! He is a cool boy. His name is "Big"...and it might very well change. He was gelded relatively late in life, so he has mostly stud features which makes him kinda special, as far as looks go. He's got the big ole' stud jaws, and a nice hip, and he muscles really well. I worked him on some buffalo this morning, and I think he might actually make a decent cutter/ranch horse. He looks a little more like a reiner, but he is pretty athletic, so we'll see! My goal is to sell him for at least 5 million in the Bull and Gelding Sale here in January. That is an awesome event! If you've never been, come on down to Red Bluff! I might even make you a lemon merangue pie from lemons fresh off the tree! I always wonder why lemons get ripe in the winter...seems weird to me.

A book?

Here is the really rough first draft to the intro and first chapter of the book I was referring to in the previous blog. I hope you enjoy it, and feel free to give me any tips!!

The Conclusion of the Whole Matter
Ecclesiastes 12:13- Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is mans all.

Intro: Some time ago I was hiking Mt. Brokeoff, near my home in Northern California, with my dear friend Shaun Terhune. We were discussing some of our favorite passages in scripture as we hiked back down after summiting. I was explaining to Shaun how much I enjoyed reading Ecclesiastes, and how the whole entire book was summed up with just one verse. (Ecc 12:13) As we were talking about that verse, the thought entered my mind that “The Conclusion of the Whole Matter” is not only an awesome verse, but would make an awesome book title. I spent the next couple of days thinking about that, until I finally decided to put that thought into action in the form of a 31 day “devotional” type of book. The purpose of the book is to share things I have learned from scripture, and hope that it is an encouragement to anyone who reads it. It is my attempt to give a little piece of the joy the Lord has given me, to others. It is a tiny glimpse of the journey I’m on.

Day 1: The Conclusion of the Matter-
My journey as a new believer began with the conclusion. It is the same conclusion reached by King Solomon at the end of Ecclesiastes, only, by the grace of God I was able to reach that conclusion without going through all that he had. King Solomon had it ALL. The world was at his fingertips- women, riches, entertainment, luxury, friends…but the void in his heart could not be filled by ANY of this. Have you felt that void? You’ll try anything to fill it- adventure, relationships with others, adrenaline rushes, money, work, success, possessions, fashion, beauty…. It all becomes meaningless. The void only gets more glaring and wide. The heart is never satisfied, and the lonely nights spent in anguish of soul become more and more frequent. All is meaningless! “Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher, “All is vanity”. (Ecc 12:8)
We were created in God’s image- more than that we were created to serve God, to bring Him glory. We cannot satisfy ourselves- only God can satisfy. Only He can fill that glaring painful void. Only He can soothe the soul. Unfortunately by deception, from the very beginning of mankind, sin crashed into the picture and created that void. It is the separation of us and God, and the devil would like nothing more than for you to waste your life trying on your own power to fill that void. It is like a bottomless pit- it cannot be filled no matter how hard one tries. But God, out of love and pity for us provided a way for the void to be filled. He bridged the gap between Him and us by sending His one and only beloved Son to earth. He lived as 100% human, 100% deity in His short stay on earth. He faced every temptation imaginable, yet He was perfect and could not sin. Since there had to be a sacrifice for sin, He became the sacrifice- the perfect spotless Lamb of God was made a sacrifice for sin. He was mocked, beaten, dragged through town- on His brow they placed a crown of thorns, and mocked His claim to be the King of the Jews. If only they had known that this Man was the Son of God. They realized that after they crucified Him… It is hard for me to recall this story without my heart jumping into my throat, and tears threatening my eyes. It wasn’t just the Roman soldiers that put Him on the cross…it was me. With every sin I can almost see them striking the nails that held him to that awful wooden cross. Oh those beautiful words He spoke just moments before He breathed His last; “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do…. Forgive Laurel, for she knows not what she does.” That is the love that can fill the void. But not yet; the story doesn’t end there. He was taken from the cross, buried in a tomb, and 3 days later rose from the dead, defeating sin!! We are promised “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”(Romans 10:9) Being saved means that you no longer have to try to fill that void. Jesus IS the only one who can fill it, and by making Him Lord and Savior of your life, and surrendering all you have and are to Him- the void will disappear. “Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with [Him], that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.” (Romans 6:6) So I urge you, if you do not yet know Him, to seek Him, and consider giving your life to Him. What better gift than a life held by your very creator? “For the wages of sin [is] death, but the gift of God [is] eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)

My first ever blog!!

I'm starting a blog!! I figured this might be a good way to keep my friends and and family updated on my life. I've been known in the past for not being very good at keeping in touch, and I would like to change that. So we'll see how this goes!

Right now I am back on the good ole home turf. This summer was FULL of travel, and a bunch of really good times. It is amazing where the Lord will take you when you surrender your life to Him. I was planning on working at Diamond P Ranch for the majority of the summer, but that did not happen. I went to Bright and Morning Star Camp out in Wyoming. It is a beautiful 2 week camp about 30 min. from Jackson Hole. If you have never seen the Grand Tetons, please drop everything you are doing and GO NOW! I was there for a total of about 3 weeks, becase Lee and I helped with set up and take down. That trip was amazing, and brought me EVEN closer with the Lord. Sometimes I think I couldn't get any closer, and then WHAM, God shows Him self, yet again, exhaustless in Him amazingness. I also met and got close to a few friends there, and I am so thankful for them. I got home, worked at Diamond P for about a week and a half or so, then got word one friday that the camp in Montana (Clydehurst Christian Ranch) which I had been Wrangler at for the past two years, needed a wrangler. The previous wrangler had family tragedy strike, and had to leave. Please pray for that family, they are amazing, and precious! So long story short, I packed up my car, and Jane (my dog- Aussie) and I jumped in my 96 Chevy Cavalier, and drove to Montana at 4:30 the next morning. I had a very nice stay at the LaBennes (thank you Jesse and Julia) in Grover Wyoming, on the way over. I got to Clydehurst sunday, started work Monday AM, and was there for three weeks. On my way back home, I spent about a week in Grover, then came on home with some hitch hiker named Shaun. Ok, so he's not a hitch-hiker.... He spent a bit over a week at our house, and we had loads of fun hiking, and enjoying beautiful Nor. Cal! He left last Saturday, and it is now Wednesday. I am still looking for work, but Mom has hired me to do some projects here around the house, and it is great! Today I cleaned out and organised all the cabinets, and painted and papered the hall pantry. It looks pretty good! It got me in the mood to cook though, so it looks like our freezer may be getting some meals pretty soon :-)

The next big thing on my list is to write a book! I have finished the intro, the first chapter and part of the second. I hope to finish the second tonight. I think I will post the intro/first chapter on here so you can get the idea of the book. It's called "The Conclusion of the Matter." (which I stole from Ecclisiastes. Go read that book if you havn't lately. It is amazing!!

Well, thats all folks!!
Here's a verse of one of my favorite songs to end this blog-

Have I an object, Lord below
Which would devide my heart with Thee
Which would divert it's even flow
In answer to Thy constancy
Oh teach me quickly to return
And cause my heart afresh to burn!